Tuesday, July 28, 2015

B.A.B.E. Week 12: Pros and Cons of the First Get Away




 This past week, Wilson and I took Elle on her first “getaway.”  This past Saturday morning, we hopped on a small shuttle plane to the Bimini islands.  The Bimini islands are small islands 53 miles due east from Miami.  In fact, we could see the lights of Miami on the beach just outside of our room.    Thus, there are a lot of boaters who come from Florida primarily for sport fishing.  Ernest Hemingway even came to Bimini for the fishing and ended up living here from 1935-1937. 

Neither Wilson nor I are big fishermen but we decided to see Bimini from Saturday morning to Sunday evening.  The quick trip went pretty well and I thought I would share my list of pros and cons from our getaway with an infant.  I suspect that many of the below pros and cons will apply to future planned travel as well.


PROS

Scratching the traveling itch
Even though our getaway was only 2 days and 1 night away, it felt like 3 or 4 days because we were removed from everyday life (and chores).  It felt so foreign and different.  Part of the reason that I love to explore is that feeling of being somewhere foreign and different and this satisfied that foreign feeling craving.

 
Expose Elle to diverse circumstances and experiences
Even though Elle is not yet 3 months old, I think the more experiences we can calmly give her to stimulate her neurons and synapses the better.  I also feel that exposing her to a fair amount of stimulation now may prevent her from being easily overwhelmed later.

Test-drive traveling
This week, I will fly to NYC alone (Wilson comes a day after me) and so I need to understand how to handle it.  Traveling with an infant is complicated with all the stuff that they require and the logistics of carrying the baby.  It is a lot – baby and stuff.  So it was good to figure out how our stroller system will work through the airport and what stuff I can get rid of (or send with Wilson the following day) in order to lighten my load.

Experience more locations in the Bahamas
There are 700 islands in the Bahamas and most of them are only easily accessible by plane. With most islands only accessible with our jobs, etc. via air,  we have to hop on planes to actually see more of the country where we live.   And Bimini felt very different from our island (Nassau, New Providence), more quaint, charming houses with no high security gates around them, colorful fish visible from our hotel walkway, and very slow moving.


CONS
Getting in over our heads…
Even though we did take it easy (see Con #4 below),  we toured a shark research center as a storm was about to hit.   For the tour of the shark research center, you have to wade out to the shark pens (which we didn’t know).  I was wearing Elle in the Beco.   We contemplated switching Elle to Wilson but the guide said that the water was only knee deep.   It ended up coming up to my waist and being a very uneven sandy bottom where I would be knee level and then suddenly upper thigh level.  It was very disconcerting especially as the wind was hammering the umbrella that I use to protect Elle from the sun.  Meanwhile, the dark storm clouds really rolled in and we were out at these shark pens.  Wilson and I left soon after we reached the pens because we didn’t want to get caught in the rain with a now broken umbrella.   Getting caught in the rain with an infant and a broken umbrella does not feel like an option.  Luckily, we made it safely inside before the rain hit…


Chores and caring for Elle in a foreign environment
The most important part of this con is that it is hard to adequately care for an infant outside your home “ecosystem” of playmats and other tools.  And you still have to do the normal “chores” that you do at home – changing diapers, cleaning up spit up etc. without the tools you have at home.  The hardest part about this was Elle’s diaper rash.  At home, I can let her happily stay in free time for hours – on our “getaway” this was much more tricky.  It also led me to staying in our room much more than I normally would have.   This leads us to the next con – on a getaway with a baby, you have to slow it down.

Can’t see as much
On this getaway, I didn’t see much outside of the airport, the shark research center, the resort where we stayed, restaurants affiliated with the resort, and a run throughout the south island.  We had planned to take a water taxi and spend Sunday on the north island but the weather and rain prevented us from going there as a family.  (Wilson actually still went).   Not going to the north island meant more free time for Elle so it wasn’t too painful a con.
 
$$$ and a significant burn rate increase
When we were jobless and traveling for 20 months (sabbaticating), we tracked and scrutinized our spending intensely.  We also figured out a “burn rate”.   The burn rate occurred naturally and was just an average of how much money we spent each day, re-calculated on a per day basis each week.  But since we were tracking our spending to the last dollar, we knew how much on average we spent per day and it notified us of the crucial fact of when we would NEED to get jobs.  It also helped us applaud ourselves when we were doing well in comparison to our burn rate and rein it in when we weren’t doing so well. 

Traveling with an infant has significantly decreased and in some cases eliminated my tolerance for discomfort.  Discomfort in walking down hot dusty roads or waiting  for and riding on dirty crowded buses is no longer an option.  Well at least not an option while Elle is so young….this intolerance for discomfort means that we have to pay to avoid it.  And it is shocking how much that discomfort was saving us…if we compare this 2 day getaway to our sabbaticating, our daily burn rate was more than 4X the daily burn rate or our travel. 


Even with the cons, the getaway was a success and we did the getaway the middle of a shift into high gear of Elle’s development.  Now she is a solid active little person with opinions about when she should be fed and a seeming enjoyment (or at least calm) of stimulating environments like noisy restaurants (or even her first happy hour.)   Physically, she is pushing up during tummy time for minutes at a time.  She is also starting to move herself on her back all over her playmat.  Emotionally, her cuddling has also upped a notch.  As a consistently cuddly baby, she now favors cuddling her blanket, super soft toys, or a comfort mini blankie.  She is so cute with them – trying to stick them in her mouth and moving them all around when napping.   Night time is a different story because you aren’t allowed to have anything in their cribs… but her nighttime sleeping continues to be good.  We put her to sleep anytime from 8:45-10:30 and she wakes up for a feed anytime from 3:30 to 5:30.  The 5:30 wake up times are still rare but so happy when they occur.

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

B.A.B.E. Week 11: Parental Stress


After Elle was born, a friend asked me what the most surprising thing about parenthood has been.    It didn’t take me long to answer her question: anxiety.  I didn’t realize the amount of stress/anxiety that comes with parenthood.   The extent of my surprise at the amount of stress/anxiety isn’t ubiquitous – I have some friends who imagined life as parents as life-ending and have been pleasantly surprised.  But for most of my friends, I think that the opposite is true.   They, like me, imagined the bliss of parenthood (of course with some bumps and sleep deprivation) but we didn’t realize that reality is much more stressful for at least two reasons: anxiety about keeping your child safe and stress about the time that child raising takes.

One illustration of safety stress/anxiety is that we had planned on camping at a wedding weekend when Elle is four months old before she was born.   But now that  Elle is here,  the idea of camping with her in hot, buggy Maryland weather seems terrible.   Although sweating and mosquito bites aren’t really child endangerment,  they don’t feel like the safest course of action for a four month old.   Compounding the issues of bugs and heat, the only tent that we have is a backpacking tent that won’t fit her port-a-crib and we aren’t ready to commit to 2 full nights of co-sleeping with her in a hot tent.    With SIDS, co-sleeping feels like a very dangerous activity, even though humanity has been doing it for its existence.   But the danger is there and we respect it now that we have a little one.

This idea of “danger”  has become so much more real to me than before I had a child.   Before having a child, I took on a lot of unwise activities, such as wandering dicey neighborhoods and hitchhiking.  And maybe some of this increased aversion to danger is just the fact that I am now getting older.  For example,  hitchhiking alone.  As a 20 year old, I hitchhiked all over Alaska by myself.  As a thirty-something, I will no longer hitchhike by myself, especially not in Alaska.  That said, Wilson and I still hitchhiked on our “babymoon” on the island of St. Kitts.  But now with Elle, I doubt that hitchhiking will be on the agenda for our family vacations.  

The stress of little Elle is not just this sense of heightened danger.  It is also time stress- making every moment count because you have far fewer moments to yourself.  This is sort of what this overall blog is about-- balancing the conflicting time needs of excelling in career, while taking care of fitness, and still continuing to explore the world.   This childcare stuff is stressful stuff as documented by Pew Research  and a recent economic study that found that the stress on parents especially moms is worth a significant amount of money.  In this economic study, researchers looked at how much money you would need to give parents (a decrease in financial stress) to offset the increased time stress that a new child brings.   In Australia, a mother’s salary would need to increase by   $66,000  and in Germany $48,000.   I would posit that the US mothers may need even more money.  I bet US parents have even more time stress because of our underwhelming maternity/paternity leave laws. 


But as many like to say, all this stress is worth it when your child is giggling at you pulling her leg.   Or cuddling onto you as she falls asleep.  All of things that Elle is currently doing as she continues to get better and better at grabbing and holding things.   Her newest joy is the remodeled changing station.  We previously had the changing station in our room but we have now switched the changing table to her nursery where she has a finger puppet animal alphabet wall hanging.   She loves that thing and coos and waves her arms and legs in excitement even before we start playing with the puppets.  Her dad is an especially big hit as he jokes and plays with Wilson the Whale, Mu the Monkey and Elle the Elephant...



Tuesday, July 14, 2015

B.A.B.E. Week 10: sucking out boogers



This past week, Elle came down with her first cold.  It is a bummer that our little one already has a cold in the middle of the Bahama summer but I guess with all our guests (including 10 extra kids), it is pretty easy to get a cold.   But all in all, Elle’s cold hasn’t been too bad.   She has been congested but otherwise seemed happy and content.  Perhaps the contentment is because we have been pretty vigilant about relieving her congestion.   To remove the congestion, we have used two important tools: (1) the NoseFrida snot sucker; and (2) homemade saline solution.   The NoseFrida snot sucker is this great contraption where you stick a blue tube onto one of baby’s nostrils, hold the other nostril closed, and suck a clear tub to use your own suction to clear baby’s nose.   Luckily there is a filter so you won’t actually suck the boogers up into your mouth.   Unless, as a sleep deprived parent, you forget to replace the filter. (I haven’t done this yet – but I have accidently put my mouth on the wrong end.  Yuck!).

The homemade saline solution also helps relieve the congestion because it moistens any dry crusty boogers.  I was really lucky to have my experienced mom/doctor sister here to tell me about the saline solution and how simple it is to make and use.  To make it, you just combine ¼ teaspoon of salt to half a cup of water (or you can buy “simply saline” if you prefer).  And then to apply it, you use the hospital-dispensed blue snot sucker (that doesn’t work that well for snot sucking) to squirt a tiny bit of saline solution around the nostrils.  It doesn’t take that much and you don’t squirt the saline directly into the nostrils, just a little bit around the nose suffices to get up into baby’s sinuses to loosen up the boogers so you can use the NoseFrida to suck them out.


I hope that Elle kicks her cold soon.  Although it has not held her back from continuing to head to the beach, enjoy playing with her cousins as well as hold her head up very well. In fact, she held her head up so well that I decided to face her forward in the Beco Gemini.  Pic below.  She seems to like facing forward a lot (except for when she wants to nap).  Very exciting.


I haven’t yet taken any long walks with her facing forward because I am still very conscious of the heat and its effects on her.   And my exercise routine continues to suffer.  I am still doing the planks, pushups, squats and pull ups but I have noticed that I don’t have the desire (or perhaps the willpower) to do them at night right before bed.  I have to get them in earlier in order to actually do them.   Willpower and desire has also been lacking in the food department.   This makes a lot of sense since sleep deprivation can hit you with a double-whammy – weakened willpower because you have been using it to keep yourself going with not enough sleep as well as your body’s increased production of the hunger hormone. 


For me, I am eating a lot more sweets then I think is good for me or Elle.  I also had this problem during the first trimester of my pregnancy so then, I decided to limit myself to one treat per week.   I am going to try that this coming week and see how I feel…



Tuesday, July 7, 2015

B.A.B.E. Week 9: 14 extra people, SHOTS, and baby carrier review


It has been an exciting, busy, rewarding, and sad week... Sad because Elle had her shots this week.  Exciting because we found out that we will move to Rio de Janeiro in April 2017.   And busy and rewarding because we have 10 nieces and nephews (ages 7-18) and 4 adults visiting.  A picture of the whole crew is below.  Unfortunately, my fourteen year old nephew is blocking Elle from view who is snuggled up on her Dad's chest in our 5th (and best) baby carrier -- the Beco Gemini.  

I have blogged about baby carriers a lot but just wanted to summarize quickly some conclusions.   In order of best to worst (in my opinion):
Beco Gemini

Pros 
  • comfortable (for both me and Elle)
  • can easily nurse while wearing
  • Elle feels safe and secure
  • When Elle is older, she can ride facing outward -- the primary reason that I purchased this carrier.  Elle can't face outward for any of the other carriers so that is a major con that I won't repeat below.

Cons
  • bulky (like any soft carrier)
  • hard to get used to putting on (have to cross straps and buckles have a safety feature)

The Beco Gemini seems to be much more comfy for Elle.  For me, it is super comfortable.  I am also a huge fan of being able to easily nurse from both sides.

Ring Sling

Pros 
  • super low profile - easily fits into diaper purse
  • can wear in the water (because I have a mesh one)
  • can nurse on one side

Cons
  • Elle doesn't seem as comfy
  • I don't always feel that Elle is as secure
  • there is a learning curve to knowing how to use it.

I love the simplicity of the ring sling but using it well isn't simple.  I also hate that I can only nurse on one side at a time and need to change the sling around if I want to nurse on the other side.

Baby Bjorn

Pros
  • Easiest carrier to just put on and go
  • Elle seems safe and secure 
  • Elle seems pretty comfortable

Cons
  • Can't nurse while wearing it
  • Becomes uncomfortable for me
  • And as stated above, she can't face outward after she has better head control.

Wilson likes this one the best for giving Elle her nighttime bottle and hanging out for the hour until she is really, truly asleep.  This is his fav. 

Boba

Pros 
  • Snuggly
  • Can nurse both sides

Cons
  • Learning curve
  • Pain to tie/wrap 6 feet or more of fabric
  • Gets hot for both of us fast and so it is not good if you have a summertime baby


Ergo (3 carry-position-- not the 360 so no face-forward position)

Cons
  • have to use an infant insert until Elle has head control
  • Elle hated the infant insert so I have never had her in there long enough to learn any pros..


I am so glad that I have the baby carrier options because it is difficult to host, or even be a contributing player when you have 16 people (my sisters, their husbands, their 9 children, my brother's child, us) and a 2 month old baby.  Only 7 people (including us) are at our house and then the other 10 are in rented condos within walking distance.  But still we eat breakfast and dinner at our house and go on various adventures during the day.   To manage that, it has been key to have the baby carriers.   Elle has also had a lot of fun playing and hearing all her older cousins.  It will be very lonely when we have to say goodbye.

The other great thing about having the family here is that my two sisters (very experienced and fabulous moms) could help us through the shot experience.  Yuck!  It is pretty terrible to watch a needle almost as long as your daughter's thigh be stuck into her thigh.  Elle was understandably very upset after her 2 needle pricks (we opted for a combo vaccine to cut down on needle pricks).  She screamed very loudly and after calming down while nursing, let out a displeased grunt to signal how she was still very unhappy about being hurt like that.   

The  bummer about vaccinations is that the discomfort is not over with the needle pricks.  Many babies feel ill and run a fever after the shots.   Elle was no exception.   5 hours after the shots, she became implacable and luckily my sisters were there to help me give Elle Calpol (the Bahamian/British version of tylenol).    She seemed better very quickly and was ok for the rest of the afternoon/evening until around 7 hours later.   We gave her Calpol again and she slept from 10:30 pm -5:20 am with only one brief wake up at 3 am for a pacifier soothing.
Speaking of pacifiers, Elle has started grabbing her pacifier.  I am not sure if it is intentional or not but she seems to be holding it in at times or even holding onto it herself.  It is neat to see her grip progress from instinctual to grabbing and holding objects herself.

The busy-ness of this week has led to some gaps in my calisthenics routine and exercise in general.  I did get to do a 3 mile run along the beach with my 18 year old niece and sister.  And to my surprise, I kept up with them.   Granted, they were probably taking it easy on me but it was nice to run normally.   Other than that run, I haven't done too many others.   On calisthenics, I have done my push-ups, pull-up hangs, planks, and squats 5 out of the 7 days.   Not terrible-- but I thought that I wouldn't miss any days my first week.   Well maybe, this second week, I won't miss any days.  We'll see.



Friday, July 3, 2015

Where will we go after the Bahamas?


I now interrupt my wife’s heartfelt, honest and inspiring baby blogging with some other Korol related news.   Muriel and I learned yesterday of my next assignment in the Foreign Service – Rio de Janeiro!  We are thrilled about this news – Rio is a city near and dear to hearts in many ways, we love the city and are excited to live there as a family. 



The assignment process - how do we already know where we will go in 2017?
It is amusing to go through the long and laborious process of bidding for the NEXT post when I have not been in the Bahamas for a year yet.  I am closer to the beginning of my tour here than the end and that will be the case for another couple of months.  But this is a job that leads to you thinking of the process for the future and my timing of arrival to the Bahamas last year dictated that we went through the process for assignment this summer.


Because we already live in a gem of a place, my bidding priority was low and many of my colleagues received their assignment for the next tour more than a month ago.  We got the list of assignments about a month ago (right when a few other things were really chaotic in our life).  We had 2 weeks to turn a list of 400+ into 30 bids (places that we want to go)).  These 30 places had to fit a number of parameters including language training, type of work, correct timing, and hardship.  It was wonderful to have an analytical and whip smart wife to work together and fun to collaborate on the list.  We also borrowed heavily from a couple of tools provided by friends who were in the same process. 

We are engaged! Almost exactly 9 years ago in Rio

First Muriel and I came up with principles/criteria to dictate our rankings – and these were Elle’s welfare, Muriel’s job, and freedom of movement, access to outdoor sports and an economics position, in that order.  After getting the bones of the list complete, we then played around with the order.  Rio was right near the top of the list, and the only one in our top 20 that we listed multiple positions due to various timings.  The only reason it was not #1 was due to the jobs being another 2 years of consular work instead of economics work.  We submitted the list about 3 weeks ago, when I was in the U.S. to bring Mu and Elle back home. And then we waited.

The News
We waited until about 5 pm yesterday, while I was in the midst of a 15 hour day as a co-coordinator for the 550 person Official 4th of July Celebration for the Embassy.  The party was great, but there were a ton of moving parts.  I popped home at about 5 pm to change into my suit and while I was dashing around to get back I looked at my blackberry – the assignment email was at the top of my work inbox.  Whoa!  I called Mu into the room and we nervously clicked on the message.  Its contents would dictate our life until the summer of 2019.  And there it was: Rio!

Hell yes.

Why Rio?
So why was Rio near the top of my list.  First, it is pretty self evident – a city of beach and mountains with surfing and climbing right out your door.  The city where we got engaged.  The city where my grandfather and his family, my mom included, lived for 2 years during her childhood.  A city of carnival.  A city of music everywhere.  A city of lyrical Portuguese.  Look at these pictures, that is a city that tugs at our heartstring.  What a city!





Living in Rio has been a dream of mine for a long time.  When I was a senior in college I had these three posters tacked up on one of my walls, separated into places, learning and experiences.  On these I wrote anything that I learned about or craved.  Then when I moved out at the end of college I put them all on a single piece of paper and promptly forgot about it for about a decade.  Somehow I stumbled across the list when we moved down to the Bahamas and tried to de-clutter our lives at a transition point.  It is remarkable to look at the list now and see how many of the places Muriel and I have traveled to together are listed.  Some things have dropped away, and now if I repeated the process over a year I would need a much larger set of poster boards.  One of those experiences, written simply but powerfully 13 years ago: Live in Rio.


And now we will.