Dear ECS: Milestones

Dear ECS, 

Well sweetie, you are now a seven year old.  You grows up and you grows up, to quote one of my favorite movies. With the timing of your indelible birth (in May), it is so nice to be wearing shorts and sunglasses, and to put the winter coats into a different closet.  

Your birthday, when you went to sleep as a six year old and woke up as a seven year old, is a great marker of growth and development and continuing to flower into a more complete and complex human.  Of course, this growth happens each and every day (yes, I am jealous).  And it is a continual wonder to me that this incremental growth is happening all the time and then I step back and think about where you were 6 months ago or a year ago, and you are in fact a different human, with different wants, desires and fears.  That applies to us adults too, but not quite in the same time scale.  At least that has been my experience.  

The entirety of your growth from being the tiny, fragile human you were in 2015 to today as an adventurous, whip smart, joyful human is stunning.  We don’t always step back and reflect on this immense personal evolution your life’s journey has been over the intervening seven years.  We are busy!  But, when I do that reflection, it is stunning. 

The journey we all go through from being utterly pliable and helpless to strong, opinionated, empathetic people is really remarkable.  Before Mu and I had you, I didn’t honestly think too much about the utterly vulnerable stages of my own life.  But seeing them again from a different perspective has a way of rekindling your sense of life and creates a sense of gratitude towards my own parents.  Thank you for that Elle. 

Of course your growth, and mine, and everyone’s, is a day to day reality - not measured in years.  Milestones are funny like that because we rightly use them to mark our journey but the journey is so much more than those markers.  Life, as a 42 year old dude, has less milestones than your sweet, tender and incisive seven year old wonderful reality.  But I was seven a long time ago and it is easy to forget that phase of my life with a lot of well earned milestones. 

Keep on keeping on honey - for these big milestones and for the day to day growth that our milestones celebrate.  Here with you for every step in the journey that I can be helpful. 

love, 
dad

Dear ECS: Spring has Sprung

Dear ECS, 

Hey there sweetie, we have had a nice spring thus far and thought I would write you a bit of a snapshot of this time in our life and year.  Spring is a great time of year here in the DC area, the weather is really great (although with some spring rain to bring the May flowers), your birthday is an anchor point in our family, the flowers bring delight throughout our neighborhood and beyond, and the verdant green of the trees remind us of life, rebirth and seasonality.  

It is a time for everyone in our family, Rosy loves chasing around all the squirrels, and even the deer that have come snooping into our yard.  Your mom is really enjoying working on the yard and planting flowers, herbs and other plants that will make our life more delightful in the near and long term.  You are so loving playing in the neighbor with all your friends, zipping this way and that, doing Earth Day clean up on the creek, and helping out with the aforementioned yard work.  Me?  I am loving the weather for trail runs, patio hangouts with friends and firing up the BBQ.  

We also traveled along the east coast up to Maine and visiting friends in Cambridge and NYC.  We were the rare DC folks who headed north for spring break - where it was much less spring.  The trees remained bare and the wind sometimes biting.  But, the grace and peace we feel being up in Maine was so welcome and a pace of life up there really calms all of our souls.  Seeing you get dirty in the woods and romping around the island with your friends made us so happy and grateful for our time up there in the fall of 2020 and the relationships that have flowered as a result. 

On the way up to Maine, we stopped with dear friends in Cambridge - it had been too long since we saw them.  It had been years since you hung out with their kiddos and those years melted away very quickly, after a few minutes of understandable shyness, and it was like you had a playdate just a week ago.  That melting away of time and distance is one of my favorite parts of deep friends and fellowship and to see it play out with you and your relationships was a real cherry on top of a great visit. 

We also got to spend quality time walking around the Cambridge community, take in the Charles River, learn about the history on our friends' street that predates our nation’s founding by more than a century, and eat yummy food.  Also a bonus was getting to seeing your babas (my parents), who were in Boston for the weekend. 

And then on our way back from Maine, we visited close friends in Brooklyn.  These are friends from our time in Ethiopia, and they have been part of your life for more than half of your life.  They have seen you go from being a cute toddler to the kiddo you are today, which is quite a journey and progress and development.  We had so much fun in our visit, that we popped back up to NYC for a redux weekend that was even more majestic and special, in a huge part for me because I got to go to a Celts playoff game against the Nets - game three of that series and a huge Celts win.  

Walking around Brooklyn as a family, as we supported our friends running the Brooklyn half marathon the next day, was an experience we will not soon forget.  Your query and plans for us to move to NYC that day was very clear proof you are in agreement. 

So, yes honey, spring has sprung and we will keep savoring the beauty of our environment and the spirit of renewal and rebirth. 

love,

dad

Dear ECS: Counting the Days

730 days - that is how long it has been since we left our apartment in Egypt to today, here in DC/MD.  730 days feels like a long time, and also reduces so much living to a single data point.  One thing that has been really cool to see in you is how numbers and counting have become a big part of how you keep track of everything.  And the cool part is that I do the same thing.  We have lists, we know how many runs it will be before we head home, and how many we have done.   Monitoring. 

730 day latergrams  

In that vein we have been thinking and talking about numbers a lot lately.  A few mornings, we have used this great website that has us putting in end and start dates and tells us how many days in-between.  Something about having specifics grounds us both in the present and the things that have happen (life being born) and the stuff to come (like going to college in 4089 or so days).  

594 days 

Below is a compilation of things I have run the numbers for you and the ones we have done together.  What I love is that there is real variance in the days, some feel like way too long and some way too short.  And also that this list is really about you and the things that are important to you.  I would have many of the same things but also a slightly different list. 

Our numbers 

• 2,500 days since you were born
• 15,900 days since mom was born
• 15,400 days since I was born
• 594 days since we got Rosy in Hershey, PA
• 730 days since we left Egypt 
• 18 days since we last skied as a family
• 100 days since Christmas 
• 24 days since Muriel got home from out West
• 74 days until your last day of 1st grade

Some questions you just asked me; 

• How many days since rosy was born: 762 days 
• How many days since we got married: 5502 days 
• How many days until elle goes to college: 4089 days 
• How many days since I graduated from college: 6504 days 
• How many days since soccer/futbol was invented: 57,273 days 
• How many days since America was born: 89,012 days (!) 

Looking backwards 

The questions that comes to my mind whenever we play the “how many days” game as an adult is - what have I been doing with these days?  Have they been used to good effect and affect?  Obviously can’t change how those days have been spent and used, but also mindful that these 15k+ days are a vivid and clear summary of my time on this earth.  I won’t be here forever.  Hoping for many more thousands of days, as well. 

Looking forward 

My favorite part of our data driven days ethos is forward looking.  What will happen and when will it happen.  Is 4k days until you go to college too many days, or too few?  How do we feel about the 74 days until first grade is wrapped up and you move on to 2nd grade.  Is 80 days enough summer vacation for kids your age? I think not, but also know you will get everything possible from those 80 days. 

Your numbers/days 

Something about the numbers is really interesting inter-generationally.  Projecting forward from your 2,500 days, thereabouts, will in some future equal my days today.  Using our beloved website, this will be in the middle of 2057.  

I have never felt so old.  No pressure honey.

love,

dad 

Dear ECS: Where we are at

Dear ECS, 

Well it has again been a super duper long time since our last post.  Sorry about that sweetie.  I started this on a train between DC and NYC, tried to find some time (and failed, clearly) over the holidays and here it is in mid February.  So much has happened in our life it is hard to even think back to our last couple of updates about our summer cross country trip and the big fire in South Lake Tahoe.  So much has happened in our communities and in our world since those updates last summer.  

Now we have snow days and ski days, at least that is our dominate family recreation these days, both here in DC and out in Utah for the holidays.  Here are a few other new things; 

• Your new (2021-2022) bi-lingual 50/50 school. 
• A new language (Spanish) for you after several early years in the French system. 
• New music lessons for the ukulele and keyboard. 
• Our wonderful home here in Takoma Park. 
• New dear friends and playdates in the neighborhood. 
• New traditions - like Thanksgivings up in Maine for the next few years.  
• Beloved new local spots throughout the DMV. 

In some sense, after quite a whirlwind that had the Korol family live in 5 houses over 19 months across 2020 and 2021, we are able to settle into our life here.  I didn’t quite see how much work all that change was and am so mindful of how lucky we were to be able to make those changes through that period.  But sort of how it takes some time to gain perspective, I am seeing now how we all needed this time to take some deep breaths.  

Deep breaths help us calm our heart when we are scared or maybe a bit over our heads on a new ski slope.  Deep breaths help us make great music and art, together or as a solo act.  Deep breaths help us see the truth that might be a bit illusive.  Deep breaths bring us back to the present, from either an imagined future or reflecting back on a past we can’t change.  Deep breaths help us get through the comfortable and discomforting feelings while we are learning and growing.  Deep breaths make me grateful.  So we try to take some more deep breaths as a family. 

Things haven’t been super easy these last many months, of that there is no doubt.  Challenges for each of our family and challenges for us as a family.  How could it not - with Covid surges, more zoom school days, trying to do too much and juggle it all, plans disrupted (so many plans), and realizing the fragility of the systems we rely on to life in the world.  

We keep moving forward, helping each other and others.  And of course, our little dog, Rosy,  helps us all.  Onward. 

love,

dad

Dear ECS: Tahoe on our mind

Honey, 

There is a lot going on in the world, and one place that is really struggling is the South Tahoe area with the massive and destructive Caldor fire (https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2021/us/wildfires-air-quality-tracker.html?fireId=caldor_el_dorado_ca).  

Your mom and I love South Lake Tahoe and treasure the ton of time we have been blessed to spend there with dear friends and family.  Here is a sampling of that time in our life, keeping Tahoe in our minds and hearts right now. 

Be safe and be well. 

love, 

dad

Dear ECS: Heading West

Dear ECS, 

We are near the Utah/Colorado border, having driven more than 2,000 miles from Maryland to Utah.  And here we are up on a bluff overlooking the mighty Green River as it meanders through fields sun kissed and rhythmically watered, with a mix of canyon country and mountains in the far distance.  Why are we on the bluff?  Going WAY back, it is because a huge flash flood 149 million (!) years ago washed hundreds of dinosaurs and their bones to an alluvial resting spot, which was discovered more than a hundred years ago and is now the showpiece of Dinosaur National Monument.  When we woke this morning very early in Denver, we weren’t sure if we would make it here.  And now we stand in front of hundreds of bones enmeshed in the rock, bones large and small, delicate and stout.  And the National Park Service lets you touch the 149 million year bones! 

My mind is blown as I put both hands on leg bone from a long extinct dinosaur and feel the power of time and of this “animal” that predates humanity by so many tens of millions of years.  Frankly, I never imagined ever getting to touch a Dino bone, and here we are in our national monument and getting to bring our time back to their time for a brief moment. 

Rarely has the Talking Heads made so much sense;

And you may find yourself in another part of the world 

And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile 

And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife 

And you may ask yourself, "Well... how did I get here?”

We were on the road for a week, making our way from DC out to Utah where your mom is from and where we have so much family.  We were so fortunate to make this trip and even more fortunate to be in Utah until the end of July.   Our drive across included stops in Pittsburg (a first for the Korol family), Chicago, Denver and then on to Utah by way of classic Route 40.  The drive was a continual and visceral reminder of how big and pretty our nation is, and how much range there is from the coastal capital, through rolling Appalachian forest, to the plains, the Great Lakes, then the rockies and the high desert and then to the Wasatch Range.   

Being on the open road is so freeing and cathartic, listening to music, books on tape and podcasts, talking about our life’s journey, and our nation’s journey, eating yummy food.  This road trip feels deeply satisfying (and that this blog started as a travel blog is no accident, as movement and the journey have been sustaining and affirming for a long time).  Your mom and I realized as we headed to Chicago on day two of the trip that we had been in the Eastern Standard Timezone for well over a year, our longest period of time in a single time zone in our marriage.  

The best part of our drive was seeing friends and family along the way.  We saw your aunt in CO and her husband, friends from Duke, from San Francisco, from college for both your mom and dad.  It was a fulsome time with loved ones, made all the more special by the time and events and challenges that have taken place in the intervening period since we were last together.  A special joy for this dad was watching you play happily with the progeny of loved ones, the generational joy that is too precious to fully put to words.  

One new development in the Great Plains that I was surprised and happy to see what the massive proliferation of the large wind turbines.  Across Iowa, Nebraska, Illinois, and eastern CO, there were thousands of turbines above the farmland.  When I last transited the country in a car to start my career at the State Department, there were a smattering.  And now the land is generating both sustenance and energy, a green energy revolution happening in plain sight. 

A few other highlights; 

- Three rivers confluence in PIttsburgh: as I mentioned, none of this Korol family had ever been to Pittsburg, having heard many a good thing but never having made it happen.  We arrived in the early evening and got to do a big walk around, with the best parts along the various rivers.  The Allegheny, Monongahela, and Ohio all come together, really the Allegheny and Monongahela come together at the confluence to form the mighty Ohio river.  And the waterfront was buzzing with life and energy has people young and old enjoyed the great summer weather and the mix of water and cityscape.  A great start to our trip. 

- Chicago water front: another waterfront that was buzzing was Chicago, where we arrived for the first fully open weekend from the long COVID restrictions.  The city was so alive, as Chicago is a city that really treasures summer weekends in normal times and seemingly extra as those restrictions were lifted.  A favorite pastime for your dad is getting on a bike and riding around the city, and I got to do a couple of rides along the Lake Michigan waterfront during the weekend, enjoying the summer vibe, people watching and that feeling of movement and exploration. 

- Trail runs in CO and Utah: lastly, it has been so fun to hit the trails in the front range of Denver and up in Steamboat for some good, long runs.  A wise woman, aka your mom, taught me years ago that trail running is like hiking, but you see more and do it more quickly.  There is a trade off of speed/savoring, but now I am fully on your mom’s side and getting to explore these vast open spaces and enjoy the trails was really special.  Made all the more special to do it with buddies and/or use their well taken recommendatons for epic runs. 

In sum, we have had a great trip across our great country.  A few bumps, boredom and hangry moments, but that is to be expected and is part of the journey.  Congrats on your longest, in time and mile, road trip and here is to more in the future. 

love,

dad

Dear ECS: Learning to be more beta

Dear ECS, 

Hey sweetie, hope you are sleeping sweetly tonight.  One thing I know is that you are sleeping next to our, almost as sweet as you pup, - Lacy Rose  "Rosy". Spring to Summer has been a fun time with birthdays and anniversaries in our house.  You turned six, and had a joyful week+ of birthday celebrations.  The contrast between 2020 and 2021 really shown through, and all that has transpired from one summer to the next. 

Photo credit to Rob

One of the things that has happened was getting Rosy in early August 2020.  We picked her up from an idyllic, Amish farm in Hershey, PA.  The contrast between the Amish family and her first day in our family going in the car, to our cargo bike and finally on a water taxi out to our house in Maine was a little microcosm of life in the Korol family.   

Thankfully, she (and you) have adapted to that pace and semi-chaos so well.  Your mom pushed and led us to get Rosy.  I had to be convinced, as life seemed busy and bountiful enough to me in the Korol house.  But i was SO wrong, Rosy is and has been a superlative addition to our house and community -  with a stellar 100% approval rating. 

Picking up Rosy in PA

One key part of the joy of our puppy is being social, a trait Rosy has in spades with kiddos, adults and fellow dogs alike.  She has led me to have dozens of conversations and connections that would have otherwise gone wanting.  Somedays when I pick you up at school there are 8-10 of your schoolmates loving on Rosy.  Who doesn’t love cuddling on a bundle of joy and energy?

That is really what I wanted to write about on this missive to you, sweet baby girl.  You see, I have been trying to be more present and thoughtful these days, primarily through morning meditation that is a combo of breath retention and mindfulness.  It has been a year-long inner journey, and one of those journeys that doesn’t have an end point.  

Which comes back to ol’ Rosy (not really old - she just turned 1 year old - but in dog years that is something).  Something that Rosy has brought me these months is a re-think about power dynamics.  You see, Rosy is a pure beta dog.  Asserting dominance is the opposite of Rosy's essence.  She is open and loving towards most everything and expects with every bone in her body and neuron in my mind that other dogs and people will reciprocate.  

The thing that took me months to realize was how having this openness to the world creates this positive feedback loop, where being beta gets more times playing with dogs big and small. More cuddles with 6 year olds.  More runs in the park. More of all the things she loves the most. Day after day, week after week, I see how Rosy orients to the world and that positive feedback loop keeps flowing in the right direction.  

So what i have been trying to do, not always successfully, is to take a similar approach.   Yes, this type A dad of yours is trying to be more beta. To be more forgiving and understanding of those around us, to our loved ones and dear friends.  And it is working, at least I think so.  Less abrasive and indignant and entitled.  More flexible.  And what it seems to me is that, like Rosy, I am getting more of the good parts of life - connecting and fellowship and so much more.  Imagine that, being more beta learned from a pup. 

Photo credit to elle

Learning from a pup when you are in your 40’s is not something I expected when we got Rosy last year.  I figured you would learn a lot from having a dog, like i did when i was your age.  And you have learned a ton.  But here we are all learning. 

love,

dad