B.A.B.E. Week 3: Back to the hospital & breastfeeding realities

I typed a lot of this blog entry from a hospital bed back at Vandy’s medical center because I was readmitted to the hospital for almost the same amount of time that I was there when I had Elle two and a half weeks ago – 2 nights.  I was readmitted due to nasty fevers from mastitis with the concurrent worry that something worse was afoot.  Luckily, it looks like it is only mastitis.  Not so luckily, I appear to be especially prone to mastitis and my body seems more than willing to drastically up my body temperature to fight the infections.   I am really hoping that recurring mastitis does not become a part of my breastfeeding reality.

The realities of breastfeeding are just as intense as people have described—it is hard to get it to work for both you and baby, you don’t know how much baby is getting, and the biggest source of intensity for me is the fact that you are the only food source for another individual.   The intensity of being my child’s sole source of nutrients was illustrated by a mix-up that we had at the hospital at 1 am.   

After I was re-admitted to the hospital, I had a whole battery of tests done to me and was administered antibiotics and IV fluid.   One of the tests was an intravenous contrast CT scan where they pump iodine into your system so that they can see what is happening in your body.  This was done to me at about 11:45 pm at night.   Then, I was taken to my hospital room where Wilson and Elle and I were settling in.   We asked the nurse for a baby bassinet and some diapers because Elle can go through many in a hurry and we hadn’t thought that I would be readmitted into the hospital.   The nurse didn’t know if she could give us any diapers even though we were on the maternity ward right by the newborn nursery.  She explained that because Elle wasn’t a patient this time, they couldn’t do anything for her.   We were flummoxed because it was the middle of the night and we didn’t want to run out of diapers.  Luckily, the nurse came back with the bassinet and told us that the nursery had refused to give her diapers but she had gotten a couple for us.  We were grateful.

As we were settling in, it was time for Elle to feed again and Wilson and I debated about whether we should wake her up or not.  We decided not to and within 10 minutes of that debate, Elle began her food hollering.  As I was about to start nursing her, the nurse entered and said that I couldn’t breast feed for 24 hours.  I was absolutely shocked.  No one had told me that getting the IV contrast meant that I couldn’t breast feed.  Also by this time it was 1 am, Elle was overdue for food and she has never taken a bottle.   We asked the nurse what to do and the nurse suggested that I pump and dump for 24 hours but I had no way to feed Elle.  We didn’t have any bottles or formula with us and had no idea how to procure food for our very upset infant.  I burst into tears because I had almost fed her ten minutes earlier with this “tainted” breast milk before the nurse came in.    Wilson quickly asked to speak to the doctor immediately and in a panic, I began calling the doctors in my family (despite the late hour).   My sister, who is an urgent care doc in California, talked to me and told me that it would be ok and that if the hospital wouldn’t give us anything to feed Elle then my other sister would drive up in a heartbeat to bring us what we needed.  Meanwhile, Elle is continuing to scream and I am sobbing too because I can’t feed her.   I called my brother-in-law here in TN who is a pulmonary pediatrician at Vandy to ask him what to do and after I had woken him up – the doctor came in to tell us that we could in fact breastfeed.   That the guidance about not breastfeeding after an IV contrast was old guidance and the iodine does not enter breast milk.   It was such a huge relief to be able to feed her after the crisis of her cries that I didn’t even mind when the doctor said that it wouldn’t have been a big deal for her to miss a meal.   Not a big deal...what?  As new parents, we jealously guard how much our child eats and so Elle missing a meal really wasn’t acceptable to us…

This scare of food for our daughter underlined the intensity of being a breastfeeding mother to your infant.  You can never be too far from them because you never know whether this precious being will suddenly be seized by hunger pains that only you can satiate.  That dependence for an independent 36 year old woman—who very much values her ability to go and do what she wants, when she wants--is a wake-up to the realities of motherhood and also to the difficulty of pursuing/balancing the other aspects of “B.A.B.E”dom – aspirations (career), body (health & fitness), and exploration (travel, outdoors adventures, etc.). 

But despite the hospital stay and the wake-up call, I was able to celebrate my wedding anniversary with Elle's fantastic father.  We were married 8 years ago today and I am so lucky to have him in my life as we navigate the crises and triumphs of parenthood together.

Parenting prep: backpacking in the wilderness?

Wow, what a ride it has been these last 2 weeks plus.  Our team has been doing very well; Elle is a champ thus far - so patient and calm and fun.  Mu is our captain, she runs the show very capably and has been keeping it all working and flowing in a productive and enjoyable fashion. 

Me?  Well I think of myself as a glue dad.  In basketball the glue guy kind of does a bit of everything – gets some boards, dishes a few assists, sets some beefy and creative picks and plays heady defense.  Nothing flashy but just doing whatever is needed, and a lot of little things that in aggregate are far from little, to keep the team functioning at a high level.  Well, in a happy coincidence that is a role I LOVE playing on sports teams and it fits perfectly within our new, enhanced family.

This has got me thinking about the prep work that goes in to having a kiddo in our modern society.  As Mu wrote about earlier this week, there are about a million books and other media forms available to gorge on with regard to parenting.  These are especially ‘appealing’ when you are a) a parent of the first time and b) prone to seeking out research for any challenge/opportunity.  Mu and I both come from professional and academic environments that highly value prior knowledge.  But that process and shared knowledge seems to break down a bit in the parenting world due to lack of consensus for what is best practice.  I feel like you end up back where you started, with your partner and your baby alone late at night.  It is up to you to make that a positive experience and not scary and/or frustrating.

So I have a different ‘test’ for preparing for the first couple weeks of parenthood.  Go backpacking.  Seriously, going on a 7 day backpacking trip with your future partner in parenting will tell you almost all that is needed to know about diverse problem solving styles, the ability to share diffuse responsibilities, family comparative advantages and being adaptable.   Just like with parenting there are many, many books offering various approaches to getting into the wild.  There are so much shiny and fancy gear you can take with you, too.  And each person/couple that goes backpacking will do it their way, same as parenting.

In the last 3 years or so, Mu and I have hiked 160 miles on the John Muir Trail and done the classic W trek in Torres del Paine in Patagonia, among other backpacking trips.  In our life together we have backpacked in many speculator settings around the world, Tasmania, Shasta, BC, the Cordillera Blanca come to my mind immediately. Pretty much all of these were amazing trips that had also had some real challenges that I keep coming back to while taking care of lovely Elle.

My first thought about this similarity came when we were packing for a walk to a restaurant a few days after Elle was born.  Not exactly hiking 160 miles of wilderness.  We had settled in to our Airbnb and wanted to get out for a bit.  So we strapped Elle into the stroller and headed out - with an entire messenger bag ready for contingencies.  This is the same way I think about backpacking, always having a stash of gear that might, or might not, be used.  For me, it is all about projecting what will and won’t be useful and preparing as best you can.  This appears to be just as useful for a serious trek in a foreign country as it is for a walk with an infant up to the local restaurant for happy hour.

On the JMT we had to keep a blistering pace with weddings bookending the trek.  We also spent the entire 11 days above 8,000 feet of elevation and went over 6 peaks/passes in excess of 12k.  This was a tough trip and one that proved to be a highlight of my life thus far. The image I keep coming back to these last 2 weeks is on a tough day, our toughest day from Deer Meadow to Sawmill Junction.  We went over 2 passes, Pinchot and Mather and had serious weather.  At times I wanted to call it quits, to slow down, it was too much and too ambitious.  And yet there was Mu charging up the 2^nd pass in style.  She carried us.  Other times on the trail, I carried us.  That is the approach we have adopted thus far with Elle.  Sometimes it is my turn to step up for comforting, or a diaper or something to keep us moving along in life be it making a meal or heading to the store.  Other times, most times really, Mu does the honors.  Note that ratio is at leader in this baby adventure is 85/15 in Mu’s favor, at least/

I also find myself thinking often of hiking in Patagonia, in part because that is the type of experience and true nature that I want to show Elle.  It is where I have felt so alive and I hope those kinds of adventures will be appealing to her and trigger similar emotions.  But that is a long time coming.  Right now I keep coming back to this time on our trek when it was dark out and we were pulling into camp after a VERY long day.  Shocker, I know.  Mu and I had pushed it and it was now dark.  All that stood between us and camp, dinner and sleep was a raging mountain stream.  How deep?  How cold?  How safe?  We were not sure, and there was no light coming to help us get a better sense of the answers.  So we had to work together and get across.  With my long stride I was able to bound across a roaring gap that was just not tenable to Muriel.  She got across with my help, but it was scary and wet.  I think about this imbalance of physical ability when Mu and Elle are nursing.  They have this special relationship that I can never understand.  Mu has the long legs this time; she can bound that gap with ease.  Instead, I am here to help out and must bond in other ways. 

B.A.B.E. Week 2: the Longest/Shortest

I have heard the early years of parenthood referred to as the longest-shortest time- the days of parenting babies and young children can be long but the years are short.  This week has felt like this – long days but a short week.   

The long days have included

•  a couple of trips to the hospital to treat me (not Elle – thank goodness!) due to mastitis
• worries over Elle and her sleep preferences or disposition to cluster feed (e.g., Elle wants to eat/nurse constantly for hours at a time).  Or I also get worried that my milk supply is low or that Elle is overstimulated… And our stack of books around the house--Babywise, The Art of Breastfeeding, Bringing up Bebe, Bringing Baby Home from the Hospital, Your Baby’s First Year Week By Week etc.—don’t help tremendously. The parenting advice in these books has helped in some ways but caused worry in others.  For instance, I am worried when Elle sleeps too long and then I am worried when she is awake too long….  I also wonder if the 3 hour Eat-Play-Sleep cycle advocated by many really is possible... 
• humid & hot days where I don’t exercise all day because it is too hot to take Elle with me on a walk and she doesn’t want to sleep long enough (hunger and gas pains) during daylight hours to allow me to leave her with Wilson and walk by myself.

These “long days” have added up to a short week of:

• savoring the moments of being together with this tiny sweet being who hugs me back when I cuddle her or nestles so peacefully into the crook of my arm
• watching Wilson so ably give Elle baths that she loves.  Wilson lays her on a bath pillow in the kitchen sink and she seems to love the sensation of a warm washcloth over her body. feeling satisfied at each poopy/wet diaper telling us that she should be getting enough nutrients.
• long conversations with loved ones and wise girlfriends who reassure me and give me great advice about how to care for Elle.
• not enough computer time … J   I have had to do a little work, which has been rewarding in the middle of babydom but I haven’t been able to do everything that I want to do on the computer.   That said, my phone and I have become fast friends.  Part of this is the ability to look through the phone with one hand and the other is the app – BabyNursing (https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/baby-nursing-breastfeeding/id420447115?mt=8).  Based on my brother’s rec about finding a good breastfeeding app, I found BabyNursing and I am really pleased with it.   Easily tracking Elle’s sleep, breastfeeding time, diapers, etc. has given me a lot of peace of mind.

This past week has seen a lot of ups and downs for mom but Elle seems to be developing on pace with what one of the books says -- J.   She is alert more of the day, she responds well to people’s voices, and a melty for me—when she fusses in other people’s arms, she quiets down when I take her in mine.   This is mostly due to my capacity to give her milk but it still feels so tender and special.

B.A.B.E Week 1: AirBNBing it with Elle

As parents reading this blog will likely attest, this has been the best (and probably most intense) week of our lives. Birth and caring for such a sweet perfect fragile being have flooded our cognitive pathways with intense emotions and left us sleepless but content. Wilson wrote a beautiful post about the birth so I will focus on the comings and goings of this past week.

As W said, I had a C-section last Tuesday afternoon. Elle and I felt good enough to leave the hospital two days after the surgery on Thursday afternoon even though Wilson and I were torn about the decision. we didn't know whether we should spend one more day in the hospital or go "home" to our airbnb. But we decided that "home" (even our unseen airbnb home) was better then the hospital.

And it was the right decision—W did a great job picking out our airbnb. It’s a little bit of a weird experience to come home from the hospital to someone else’s home but luckily, this home is super comfy and we are already living up to the B.A.B.E. (baby, aspirations, body, exploration) mantra of "exploration"…traveling with the newborn star. That said, my first shower trying to figure out the hot water after giving birth and 2 nights at Vandy’s Medical Center felt more daunting then a normal travel experience of figuring out a shower.

But we figured out the shower (and all the other apartment stuff) with ease – so it was on to figuring out the more important business of feeding and caring for Elle. Thus far, we have a pretty good system where W takes on the bulk of the diaper/clothes changing and household duties. This has been super helpful at night when W helps wake up Elle during a night-feeding with a diaper change or getting the breast pump ready at 3 am to relieve my engorged mammary glands.

That’s right – milk has come in with a fury. I didn’t realize that breastfeeding can entail rocks in your breast (or your breast becoming rock). Yikes! One thing, among others, about motherhood that isn’t that awesome. Some techniques for relieving this are – pumping excess, cold/warm packs, warm showers, and my current fave – cabbage leaves on the mammary glands. Weirdly, cabbage leaves really seem to take the edge off…

Cabbage leaves fit into another topic for this blog post – body. Recovering from a C-section hasn’t been too terrible. There is a lot of TMI that could be included here but I will save that for private conversations. What I can say is that walking early and often has been really helpful for working out the number that they do on your intestines to get the baby out. I am also really enjoying having my own body again. It doesn’t look like my body yet (e.g., I still look 5 months pregnant) but it feels good to not be scared of delivering a baby early or squishing a baby when bending over to tie my shoes. It is great to just walk around and be only one human being again.

And finally – Baby! Elle is already staying awake for a couple hours at a time and that is thrilling even when it is from 2am-5am. She has such a sweet personality where she seems to just want to take in life and loves kisses and cuddles. Her sweetness still comes with a fair amount of sleepiness. Most of the time, it is hard to get feeds in that last longer than 9 minutes. I prefer longer feeds because I am trying to fatten up my long and lean baby as quickly as possible. Also, she can go longer between feeds and that makes mommy happy. That said having an extended break between feeds does exact a price. Her long feeds take a long time. Our record so far is 35 minutes on one breast and 15 minutes on another. This 50 minutes of feeding took a little over 2 hours to complete because getting the reward of long feeds also requires a fair amount of newborn rousing. But she is obviously worth it!

 

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Our miracle: Elle Catherine Sarah Korol

Muriel and I are thrilled to let this grand world know that we have a new member of our family: Elle Catherine Sarah Korol.  Our little miracle was born at 3:23 pm on 5/5/2015.  She and mom are resting comfortably (as I type this both are asleep, one in her hospital bed and one in my dad’s loving arms) She was born via C-section and came out at a robust 8 pounds and 21.5 inches long. 

The entire birth experience has been wonderful, with just a few moments of indecision and anxiety.  We had scheduled the C-section with a little trepidation because Elle was in breach (heads up) position for the entire pregnancy.   In hindsight, her breach position was probably due to her especially long frame.  So even though C-section was medically indicated, we wondered whether the procedure would be the best thing for the baby? For mom?  How would it all go???? 

Yesterday before the C-section, we had a nice morning, kind of lazing around Muriel’s sister’s house before heading to the hospital.  I even got in a run in the hills near their house, an odd juxtaposition of normalcy to the unique and fundamentally life changing events that were to come later in the day.   As we got close to Vandy’s Medical Center and drove by some nice outdoor cafes, Mu threw out the idea of stopping for brunch.  Maybe some other day.  Of course because of the scheduled surgery, she had been unable to eat or drink anything for about 12 hours, so maybe that was just a bit of the thirst and hunger pangs kicking in but that kind of was our vibe.   

Thus far, now after the C-section, our questions above have been answered strongly in the affirmative.  Mom is already walking about and Elle has been with us since her birth.   For me the actually procedure was surreal, after Mu was taken away for her back injection of anesthetic to start the process I waited for about 30-40 minutes in the recovery room.  Thankfully this room had a wonderful view of the Vandy campus over a leafy quad, reminding me of Duke and where Mu and I started our life together.  Still, the moments felt long but it was good to compose my thoughts about becoming a father and us becoming parents.

Then the nurse came and got me for the walk to the OR and we walked to the room where Mu was already deep into the C-section.  I was escorted to a chair right by the left side of her head and was struck by how clear her eyes were even though she couldn’t feel the incision and surgery below her chest.  You could sense there was a lot going on behind the blue paper thin screen that separated our heads from the procedure, but I was glad to have that barrier and we could focus on these last moments of anxiety and excitement.  Was our baby a boy or girl?  Please, oh please, let the baby be healthy.   What would the baby look like right after being born?

After a bit, I was told to get out my camera and then a little screen was opened in the sheet and the doctor held our baby girl up.  They asked “is it a boy or a girl?’  And Mu and I weren’t sure since a baby right out of the womb is a pretty surreal looking being.  Finally we cautiously proposed that she was a girl, and then Elle cried for the first time and we both started crying. 

Mu kept asking if she was healthy as the nurses and doctors cleaned her up and swaddled her for the first time.  Then she was placed in my arms for a delicious brief moment and then directly on Mu’s chest where she stayed happily, and tiredly cause being born is tough work, while Mu was put back together.  I loved looking at every inch of her beautiful face, her delicate little, but surprisingly developed, fingers with the most adorable fingernails and every little detail of our daughter. 

Once everything was done and we moved back to the original room time began to return to its more normal progression.  At least in my mind.  There were many tests and measurements for both daughter and mom and we were thrilled to share this special time with Muriel’s sister Catherine and my parents. 

Elle has been a delight, holding her is such a peak experience that even writing about it feels like a profound understatement.  Her skin is super soft, and she looks so cute with her little jumper and blue/pink skullcap.  We are so happy and in love.