B.A.B.E. Week 3: Back to the hospital & breastfeeding realities

I typed a lot of this blog entry from a hospital bed back at Vandy’s medical center because I was readmitted to the hospital for almost the same amount of time that I was there when I had Elle two and a half weeks ago – 2 nights.  I was readmitted due to nasty fevers from mastitis with the concurrent worry that something worse was afoot.  Luckily, it looks like it is only mastitis.  Not so luckily, I appear to be especially prone to mastitis and my body seems more than willing to drastically up my body temperature to fight the infections.   I am really hoping that recurring mastitis does not become a part of my breastfeeding reality.

The realities of breastfeeding are just as intense as people have described—it is hard to get it to work for both you and baby, you don’t know how much baby is getting, and the biggest source of intensity for me is the fact that you are the only food source for another individual.   The intensity of being my child’s sole source of nutrients was illustrated by a mix-up that we had at the hospital at 1 am.   

After I was re-admitted to the hospital, I had a whole battery of tests done to me and was administered antibiotics and IV fluid.   One of the tests was an intravenous contrast CT scan where they pump iodine into your system so that they can see what is happening in your body.  This was done to me at about 11:45 pm at night.   Then, I was taken to my hospital room where Wilson and Elle and I were settling in.   We asked the nurse for a baby bassinet and some diapers because Elle can go through many in a hurry and we hadn’t thought that I would be readmitted into the hospital.   The nurse didn’t know if she could give us any diapers even though we were on the maternity ward right by the newborn nursery.  She explained that because Elle wasn’t a patient this time, they couldn’t do anything for her.   We were flummoxed because it was the middle of the night and we didn’t want to run out of diapers.  Luckily, the nurse came back with the bassinet and told us that the nursery had refused to give her diapers but she had gotten a couple for us.  We were grateful.

As we were settling in, it was time for Elle to feed again and Wilson and I debated about whether we should wake her up or not.  We decided not to and within 10 minutes of that debate, Elle began her food hollering.  As I was about to start nursing her, the nurse entered and said that I couldn’t breast feed for 24 hours.  I was absolutely shocked.  No one had told me that getting the IV contrast meant that I couldn’t breast feed.  Also by this time it was 1 am, Elle was overdue for food and she has never taken a bottle.   We asked the nurse what to do and the nurse suggested that I pump and dump for 24 hours but I had no way to feed Elle.  We didn’t have any bottles or formula with us and had no idea how to procure food for our very upset infant.  I burst into tears because I had almost fed her ten minutes earlier with this “tainted” breast milk before the nurse came in.    Wilson quickly asked to speak to the doctor immediately and in a panic, I began calling the doctors in my family (despite the late hour).   My sister, who is an urgent care doc in California, talked to me and told me that it would be ok and that if the hospital wouldn’t give us anything to feed Elle then my other sister would drive up in a heartbeat to bring us what we needed.  Meanwhile, Elle is continuing to scream and I am sobbing too because I can’t feed her.   I called my brother-in-law here in TN who is a pulmonary pediatrician at Vandy to ask him what to do and after I had woken him up – the doctor came in to tell us that we could in fact breastfeed.   That the guidance about not breastfeeding after an IV contrast was old guidance and the iodine does not enter breast milk.   It was such a huge relief to be able to feed her after the crisis of her cries that I didn’t even mind when the doctor said that it wouldn’t have been a big deal for her to miss a meal.   Not a big deal...what?  As new parents, we jealously guard how much our child eats and so Elle missing a meal really wasn’t acceptable to us…

This scare of food for our daughter underlined the intensity of being a breastfeeding mother to your infant.  You can never be too far from them because you never know whether this precious being will suddenly be seized by hunger pains that only you can satiate.  That dependence for an independent 36 year old woman—who very much values her ability to go and do what she wants, when she wants--is a wake-up to the realities of motherhood and also to the difficulty of pursuing/balancing the other aspects of “B.A.B.E”dom – aspirations (career), body (health & fitness), and exploration (travel, outdoors adventures, etc.). 

But despite the hospital stay and the wake-up call, I was able to celebrate my wedding anniversary with Elle's fantastic father.  We were married 8 years ago today and I am so lucky to have him in my life as we navigate the crises and triumphs of parenthood together.