B.A.B.E. Week 29: Sleep Issues

In the cockpit of the plane for our flight to Utah

On Sunday night, Elle and I took a red eye back to the Bahamas…pretty brutal.  So it’s no wonder that today and yesterday Elle slept more and was more fitful.   However, even excluding the red-eye and travel, sleep hasn’t been that great for the past two months. 

Our Utah flight pilot holding Elle in the cockpit

Prior to these past two months, Elle was sleeping through the night, roughly 10pm-5am.  Now, she wakes multiple times per night and wants to nurse.  We got on this trajectory after three factors: (1) household chaos; (2)  I thought that she was teething; and (3) earlier bedtimes.  

At the Utah museum of natural history with her uncle and cousin

Household Chaos

These last couple of weeks, okay really the last 2 months, have been pretty hectic with travel, guests and hurricanes.  The first two are wonderful, things that energize us and create deep meaning.  But they are also tiring and getting the right balance, almost entirely on the travel front, has been tricky.  I am both glad that Elle has been all over the place in her first 6+ months and am also a bit concerned about the impact of so much motion.  Thus far, she seems to enjoy it and she is not familiar with carbon guilt yet.  On the last issue, hurricanes, it is not hard to identify the beginning of October as the point when Elle's sleep pattern got worse.  Single parenting was tough that week: http://livingthekoroldream.blogspot.com/2015/10/babe-week-22-is-co-parenting-fact-or.html. 

Teething – where are the teeth?

From 6 weeks to 4 months when Elle slept through the night, I did everything I could to not nurse her before 5 am because I knew that she had enough food in her belly and could sleep through the night.  To be fair, she often didn’t wake up that much and wasn’t too hard to put back to sleep.   And then at around four months, Elle started becoming a lot more fussy, was drooling a lot and fixated with her hands.  So I thought – teething!  Other mothers who saw her doing this posited she was teething too.  Thus, instead of making her wait to nurse until 5 am, I would just bring her into the bed, nurse her and we would both fall back asleep in our bed.    Now Elle is still sleeping in our bed sometime in the night but no teeth have emerged.

With her 10 month old cousin

Earlier bed time – deep sleep early? 

The other factor that may have spurred the multiple wakings in the night is that we now put Elle to sleep much earlier than we used to.  We have been putting Elle to sleep much earlier than we used to because  she has seemed tired and “overtired”.   As many of the baby books say, when your baby is “overtired”  (e.g., the adrenaline has kicked in to keep your baby from sleeping) then you should put the baby to sleep earlier at night.  We followed this advice but now Elle often sleeps from 7pm – midnight or 3 am instead of 10 pm -5am.   This pattern makes me wonder whether she has a deeper sleep earlier and thus if we had a later bedtime whether she would again sleep until 5 am.  Wilson thinks this is the case. 

The deeper sleep theory was somewhat born out by our red-eye traveling experience.  During the red-eye experience, Elle slept through a lot -- dropping off the rental car, riding in the rental car shuttle, checking in, being put in and out of the stroller for security, boarding the plane, and lifting off.   She was amazing.  But her biorhythms meant that at around 2 am, she woke up, ready to socialize after her deep 5-6 hours of sleep.  This makes me think that maybe we should go back to a later bedtime and see if it makes a difference in her sleeping.  It may but I don’t think that it is worth an exhausted Elle in the evening.  When she is tired after 6:30 pm or so, she seems miserable and I don’t want to prolong any misery.

Playing with her uncle and cousin

So what are we going to do?

The short answer: nothing.  In the short-term, we are just going to continue to accept Elle’s patterns because she is a very happy and thriving baby. We don’t want to disturb that equilibrium.

The long answer: We are already doing some things such as encouraging her to self-soothe and fall asleep on her own.  So we will continue to do that for naps and bedtime.  We also plan to keep her as calm as possible at night so she understands that night time is for sleeping.   And in the long-term once we feel like there are two ideal conditions for sleeping through the night, then I may try again to not nurse until at least 5 am.   The two conditions will be:  (1) there is a calm in our life; and (2) Elle is eating a fair amount of solids.

With regards to calm, that may not happen for a little while because we still have upheaval of more visitors and travel.  The travel is the biggest issue – the visitors not so much.   We have a couple upcoming trips to neighboring counties in the next several weeks. So maybe in 3 weeks or so, we will try again.  

With regards to solids, Elle is starting to get the hang of solids and we are starting to get the hang of working her solids into her 'meal' planning as well.   She has now tried (in the following order) avocado, bone broth, sweet potato, banana, papaya, oat baby cereal fortified with vitamins, rice baby cereal fortified with vitamins and probiotics, and broccoli.   Her favorite thus far? Bananas and rice cereal.  Somewhat surprising, bone broth came in third.  I am hoping that soon, solids will substantially add to her caloric intake and relieve some of the pressure that I feel about my milk supply.

And the other aspects of B.A.B.E.dom?  Elle’s development continues to delight us.  She is clapping her hands frequently and waving – both turning her wrist and squeezing her hand open and shut.  I am not sure that she understands why we wave yet but she is fascinated with doing it.

And aspirations, body, and exploration?  Exploration has been in full swing and will continue as we try to see a lot of the Caribbean before our posting in the Bahamas ends in August 2016.  Career also continues to truck along despite the lack of sleep but the “body” part of  B.A.B.E.dom has suffered as my will power to exercise hard and resist the temptation of empty candy calories has waned in light of my sleep deficit.   Hopefully, that sleep deficit will fill and my will power will strengthen along with increased sleep.

With grandma in front of her uncle's sweet house overlooking the Salt Lake valley

B.A.B.E. Week 28: Daddy's blog about being apart

Elle dancing with Grandma

 Turning over B.A.B.E to my dear husband while I visit his folks in Vegas and Wilson is in Haiti. This week was an exciting one – Wilson working in Haiti; me running the Vegas rock and roll half marathon and hanging out with friends from San Francisco and Duke; and Elle loving being with her grandparents and making some real developmental strides (waving and clapping).  

Turning this week's "B.A.B.E." over to Wilson…

When Mu and Elle left, it was kind of rough.  I woke up early on a holiday (Veterans Day) to take my family and our visiting friends from CO to the airport.  Waking up on a holiday is easy enough, the tough part was taking the girls to the airport and knowing it would be nearly two weeks until I kiss my lovely wife and hold precious Elle.  That was a tough drive to the airport.  

At the airport

The separation has made me think about being apart.  When Elle was born, I spent weeks 5 and 6 of her life back home in Nassau working.  That was tough too.  But this stretch (of which we are about half way through) has been much tougher - mostly because Elle is waking up to the world and is such a joy.  Her smiles light up any room she is in, especially for her dad.  She is sitting up and playing so happily, coos like crazy and delights in the world (even when we take her all over the place to other Bahamian islands, deals with the heat and stays out late).  She has also just started clapping her hands together and waving.  The waving is mostly backwards and who knows what she means by it but it is still pretty adorable...

Today I had a nice long facetime session with Mu and elle, and her development really came to the fore.  Something about being apart reinforced the great strides she is making.  She was sitting up for long stretches, not doing the teetering that is her MO but rather just checking things out or grabbing whatever grabbed her fancy.  Other times, she was admiring her own hand - which my wife has said is important for babies.  Other times she was using multiple modes of self-transport (the roll and the wiggle) to get to either my smiling face on the phone (My favorite move) or some of her sweet toys in Vegas.  She is so much better at acting on her impulses or preference than even a few weeks ago, and her tool box is just getting bigger. 

Back to our separation -- the week before Elle and Mu left, I found myself drifting to the impending time apart when I was holding Elle, thinking about her being thousands of miles away.  Sometimes, when I was feeling benevolent, I would smile at the thought of my folks holding her, or her grandfather on Mu's side playing with his granddaughter for the first time.  Or Elle playing with her 10 month old cousin - they are going to be so cute together!

Last week I also would drift to missing out on her subtle developments.  It feels like a part of my own body has been lopped off painlessly and is gone for a couple of weeks.  I don't feel pain, but i feel the absence.  For me, when she is so young, she feels like such an extension of my own body.  For instance, I will often be playing with elle, say with her favorite rattle or stuffed animal, and part of my brain somehow feels like I am the one playing with her toy.  It is a new phenomena for me, a blurring of individuality that I did not anticipate in fatherhood.  I imagine that as she grows up over the coming years and asserts many, many orders of magnitude more individuality, some of that co-mingling sensation will dissipate.  But it is also sobering to know that Elle will forever hold a part of me as she goes through her own life journey.  

Hiking at Red Rocks

Before we had Elle, I would have a standard progression when Mu was traveling and I stayed home.  For a few days before she left, I would be excited about having some alone time.  A chance to do whatever hell I wanted, whenever I wanted.  Then she would take off, and I would try and fit a ton of stuff into that first day.  My typical personality of doing too much. 

The first day would go great, but then I would stay up way too late that first night watching sports.  Sleep would be rough, and in the morning reality would set in that I vastly prefer my life when my better half is around.  It happened pretty much every time, I would over estimate the fun to be had home alone and underestimate missing Mu.  

Pre half-marathon

And now that we are a family of three, I skipped the entire facade of looking forward to being solo for a bit.  Now it just feels lonely, I miss those wonderful girls and it will still be a week before they come back home.  They are having a great time, and I have some cool stuff going on with my current trip to Haiti and a great friend coming down from NC. But, like a lot of things post-Elle, my perception has changed and these exciting times would be better together.  

Post half-marathon

B.A.B.E. Week 27: Outdoor living and 6 months old!

Trying on her cold weather gear Bahamas style...

This past week, we have had some dear friends visiting who always inspire us with their outdoor adventures.  It is a strong interest we share (they even planned a climbing segment to do with us during the korol dream in Sardinia, Italy and Corsica, France in 2012).   Now, they have a 19-month old son and with Elle, we look forward to the time that we can take the kiddos on a joint climbing trip.

This visit, we settled on enjoying the nature and outside living of the Bahamas.  A tough endeavor, even though the Bahamas has “cooled” down a little.  It is tough because babies are so sensitive to heat and sun, both of which we have in spades in Nassau.   When I see their little bodies begin to get heat rash, I start freaking out.  My mind goes to the worst place and it makes me reflect on what I thought about outdoor adventures prior to Elle and what I think about it now.  

Prior to Elle, I thought – oh we can just load her into the baby carrier and go…but that was NAÏVE.  Now, I realize how easy it is for her to get hot and uncomfortable even with an umbrella for constant shade.  I also realize that there are other barriers like sweating all over her in the baby carrier and a feeling of helplessness when she is upset due to the environment and I do not have any tools to help.  These realities have made me much more cautious when taking Elle for outside adventures.

This caution hasn’t really been tested since outside adventures in the Bahamas are in reality more like outside living.  Outside adventures in the Bahamas are not the sort that Wilson and I prefer – climbing, skiing, hiking etc.   Instead, most of the attraction here is the beach (and the underwater world I have dabbled in, Wilson much more so), eating outside, etc.   In her 4.5 months in the Bahamas, we spend a lot of time outside and happily, Elle doesn’t seem the worse for wear.

In fact, she (like many babies and children) is now happiest when she is outside (and not too hot).  This is really encouraging as she is more actively exploring her world with her eyes hands and feet.  She had her six month birthday this past week and is reaching for everything in sight (including the spoon from her first forays into real food --avocado and bone broth).  She also loves walks to see the big outside world.   Unfortunately, we haven’t been able to spend too much time trying to get her to crawl (or creep as they say here) outside.   But, we are getting her out a fair bit in her carrier and in the stroller.

Bone broth eating is yummy....

As Elle is having more time for outside living, I still get nervous when I think about taking her on some “real” outdoor adventures.  For example, I head to the western US to visit loved ones this week and I could take Elle on her first climbing trip in Nevada.    We have a little “peapod” (pictured below) that Elle can hang out in while my friend and I climb.   The friends who are currently visiting used a peapod for their son when I climbed last year with them at the Red River Gorge.  And in fact, the friend that I am climbing with in Nevada lent me Elle’s peapod from her climbing trips with her daughter.   The peapods have worked great for a bunch of friends to keep babies safe and bug free.

Elle's friend in the peapod

And my friends have really enjoyed climbing with their babies but, to be honest, I am scared.  And not quite ready to bring Elle on a trip that she might not enjoy, or risk any chance of her getting hurt.   Wilson thinks it seems like a lot of work for not much payoff. As I have blogged about before, motherhood has raised my anxiety level to an all-time high and my mind rushes to worst-case scenarios.   So for now, I will leave Elle with her grandparents and continue to tamely use the peapod for eating on scenic restaurant patios in the Bahamas.

Holding hands with her bestie.

B.A.B.E. Week 26: Elle’s first Halloween

This past week has been jam-packed.  Visitor season has begun at Chez Korol with some friends from California kicking off the season in style.  Visitor season is our favorite season as we get to see loved ones.  It will be interesting to see how this season plays out as working from home and having guests can be a little tricky.  That said, as I am typing this Elle is getting plenty of play-time from said guests.


A couple of months ago, I blogged about community and this weekend has shown me how much community I can feel grateful for.   Not only do we have loved ones here and planning to come but we were also honored with a “Sip and see” this weekend.    A “Sip and see” is like a baby shower but a calmer party where everyone hangs out and sips drinks while seeing the baby.  It was so fun and we were extremely touched by the efforts of our friends that threw it for us and those who came and sipped (including some of Wilson’s friends from tennis club pictured below).  The sip and see was on Halloween so Elle is wearing her Patriots garb.   (Wilson wanted Patriots garb instead of a Halloween costume so Elle was Tom Brady for Halloween.)

Elle was also a shark courtesy of said guests, Mike and Michelle Engle.   

Mike and Michelle are pictured below on a boat to a nearby island to Nassau – Rose Island.   Rose Island is our favorite Sunday trip especially with guests because it is so nice to cruise the Bahamian waters and get to another island, and yet still sleep at our house.   This was our first time heading to the island since Elle was born.  It went well – it was breezy and cool enough but the music was too constant and loud for Elle to get a good sleep.  Despite that there were many happy coos and a lot of dancing with Dada.

In other exciting news, Elle is exhibiting signs of object permanence.  Object permanence basically means that the baby understands that the object still exists even though it isn’t in your field of vision.   Elle’s object permanence signs include: looking for a toy when it has dropped; and smiling when she is downstairs with the nanny as she hears me coming down our very creaky stairs.

As far as other updates on the B.A.B.E. spectrum – aspirations (career) & body (health & fitness), both are trucking along.   Health & fitness has taken a little bit of a hit with all the Halloween treats but career is moving forward well as I have been able to get more work done during the day (as scheduled!) rather than on nights and weekends.