B.A.B.E. Week 8: Fruitless searches for panacea, work wins, and exercise

This week I realized that in this new adventure of caring for my daughter, I have been searching for a panacea (a cure for everything). I thought that diagnosing the milk allergy (and subsequently avoiding dairy) would be the cure for Elle’s bouts of pain/fussiness or having the ring sling would be cure my stir-craziness and inability to get through my to do list.   But neither have been the complete cures that I pined for and as a result I am slowly realizing that every day will probably be different and there is no panacea for being a parent – it’s a learning process that is slow and hard like anything in life worth doing.  Yes, Elle is still fussing (and sometimes seems to be in pain) but she is now more full of smiles (and even a few laughs).

 Ring Sling

As I blogged about previously, I wanted a ring sling baby carrier to use in the hot weather, use to go in the water with Elle, and be able to nurse Elle while simultaneously doing other stuff (such as write this blog). I thought that the ring sling would be easy to use but sometimes it seems like an instrument of torture for both of us.  But I think that I had unrealistic expectations about the sling.   As the Baby Wearing International of Middle Tennessee website says, baby wearing is a skill not just a product to wear.  And I am learning this skill… and I think that I am starting to get the hang of the skill. For instance, Wilson, Elle and I had a happy ring sling walk on the beach on Sunday evening.  FYI,  if you are interested in also learning to successfully wear a ring sling, this is the most helpful tutorial that I have found so far. 

Career

In addition to ring sling “woes” and a lot of playtime on the changing table, we have been conducting nanny “try-outs” as well as doing some work stuff for me.  At my organization, the Center For International Environmental Law, I work on climate change issues.   

For this aspect of my work, I spent part of this past week getting a new project up as well as getting publicity for a report I authored, “(Mis)Calculated Risk and Climate Change – Are Rating Agencies Repeating Credit Crisis Mistakes?”  I largely finished my role in the report the day before Elle was born.  The report was just released and luckily my boss looked out for me to make sure to ask me for a statement to put in our press release concerning the report.  This statement was then quoted in an MSN video news report and in the world’s third most read newspaper, the Guardian.

On the health aspect of B.A.B.E.dom and running again...

 Although I have got some runs in, I am not getting into the swing of exercise as quickly as I thought.  In fact, my runs are often run/walks with the stroller in the morning.   The primary reason that I am not simply running and instead run/walking with the stroller (besides being out of shape) is that I have been scared of jarring Elle.   In the stroller, Elle is secured into a car seat but no websites explicitly say that it is ok to run with your infant in a car seat.  Thus, I take it pretty easy except for when I am on the smooth track path that is luckily very close to our place and along the beach.  I feel fine running with her on that smooth track because her head moves much less then on the walk there along sidewalk cracks…

Despite my slow entry back into running, I have some ideas of how else to add to my fitness. I am adding in high quality exercises that don't need a gym or a weight set.  One of these high quality exerices is the squat.  According to the Freakonomics podcast, squats are the best exercise of all because strong leg muscles not only protect your joints, they also promote life quality and longevity.  Squats do this by allowing you to continue to walk up stairs and get up from chairs as you age.  Very important for quality of life.  And even though trouble walking up stairs is still hopefully decades  away from me, squats are super important for activating gluteus muscles so that you have good running form that keeps your legs in alignment.   This is crucial for me because I was diagnosed with bone spurs and arthritis in my right knee a couple of years ago.  Since I have been doing squats (even on irregular basis), I have had much less trouble with inflammation from the bone spurs grinding against each other.   I hope to keep these knees for another 50 years and so squats will be in the routine.  The other exercises that will be in the routine will be push-ups, planks, and pull-up hangs.   I used to be able to do pull-ups but now I just need to content myself with pull-up hangs because I can’t even do one anymore…  Not yet, but soon. 

Daily Exercise Routine

So here’s the plan – one day, I will try to get 100 squats in (hopefully while holding Elle) and also 3 minutes of planking (right now I can only plank for about 30 seconds at a stretch but do that 6 times in a day and then I have my 3 mins).  The other day, I will get in 30 pushups and 15 pull-up hangs.   I will report back next week about whether I can stick to this plan.

Elle holding and shaking one of her toys...

And Baby’s Developmental Milestones?

Elle has really found her hands this week.  She likes to drop her pacifier out of her mouth in favor of finding and sucking on her hands.   She is also getting much better at both reaching for things and batting her toys.   As I mentioned earlier, she is now giggling (very occasionally but super exciting when she does).   And also in some really great news is that she has been sleeping 6 hours per night on a regular basis.   She even slept for 8 hours one night.  It was fantastic.   

I think the increased sleeping time is due to a new night time system that W and I developed. Throughout the evening, I nurse Elle until I am empty.  And then around 10 pm, Wilson puts Elle in the baby bjorn and feeds Elle a bottle of expressed breast milk that I have pumped earlier that day or the day before.   He then sits up with her for approximately an hour to give her body time to digest the milk.   I think that our new system has increased her quality sleep time because it leaves Elle very full and with a lot of good digestion. ... we are hoping that this trend continues.

B.A.B.E. Week 7: Infrastructure and cloth diapers

This week has been our first week at home and a better week in terms of how Elle feels. As the last couple of blog posts have talked about, Elle has had some fussiness and seems to have an allergy to my dairy consumption.  Since I have cut my dairy consumption, she seems to not be in as much pain as before.  But there are still times (like at 4 am this morning) where she just can’t seem to get comfortable.   In addition to watching Elle’s development and adjustment to being in the Bahamas, this week has been all about creating baby (and mom and dad) infrastructure as we settle into being a family at home.

Lots to do…

There has been a lot to do on the baby infrastructure front –

•  assembling and registering  (or failing to register) various baby tools such as a swing, stroller, etc.;
•  creating a thermodynamically cool car in the Bahamas heat (our A/C hasn’t worked for the past year);
• registering for Elle’s visa to the Bahamas and civilian US passport;
• learning to use and clean Bumgenius cloth diapers,
• new parent obligatory internet research (such as how do you use a tummy time pillow);
• figuring out Elle’s healthcare here in the Bahamas; and
• finding a nanny. 

Finding a nanny and creating a cool car have both been multi-step processes thus far.  We need a nanny for when I start work again in August.   And without a cool car, Elle,and I are trapped in the house during the heat of the day.  And because this is the Bahamas in the summer then the heat of the day is basically all the time.   So I have imposed our own captivity because I don’t have anyway to carry Elle out in the heat yet.  My mesh ring sling is yet to arrive for walks under an umbrella and the stroller is too hot after 8:30am and before 7pm.   As I have blogged about before, being careful with Elle in the heat has really felt limiting so I will be very happy when we have more tools to keep her cool.  It will also be nice when she gets a little older and can thermoregulate better. 

Cooling down the car

Cooling down our car has been a challenge.  Here, most places aren’t open during the weekend and without a cool car, I can’t go to get the car fixed with Elle in the car.   Luckily, we found a place that was open for a couple of hours on a Saturday and so Wilson took care of Elle while I we got a temporary fix for the A/C.   The car is now passable at the moment but we are waiting for a part to come in from the US to ensure that the fix sticks.  Unfortunately with the permanent fix, our wallets will be considerably lighter from Bahamian prices.   In general, the Bahamas expense range is different from the States or other countries in that it has a very wide range of expense.  Some things such as almond butter are very expensive ($28 for a normal sized jar), while others, such as a ride on the local bus called jitneys are inexpensive ($1.25).

After we got our temporarily cool car, I  took Elle to get our windows tinted.  I pulled up to the window-tinting place and realized why the Bahamas prices were favorable to us this time (only $100).   Bahamas prices were inexpensive this time because the window-tinter was a local guy in a carport in a less-desirable area of town.  So Elle and I sat there in the carport for an hour as the windows were tinted.  It wasn’t the most ideal conditions but Elle seemed pretty happy to stare at the red and green fence and feed under the nursing shield and now we have some sweet dark windows for our '02 Subaru Impreza Outback.

The last step to securing a cool car was organizing the garage to actually fit the car in the garage.  It is strange how Wilson and I went for a year and a half with whatever we could either fit in our backpacks when we were abroad or in our car when we were stateside.  Now we have a house with stuff in it and a garage so full of stuff that it didn’t fit our car before I organized.  Funny and surprising how life can shift so quickly…

You can see Elle's bulky cloth diaper poking out from her "awesome sauce" onesie

Cloth Diapers

Speaking of life shifting, cloth diapers have not been as life shifting as you would think.  Sure, they are intimidating at first.  But surprisingly (and knocking on wood), they seem to hold in the payload better.  We haven’t had any of the massive blowouts all up the back that we had with the disposable diapers.   Moreover, the cloth diaper situation has been relatively painless because we have all the tools to take care of them easily right at our disposal (washing mashine, drying rack, and water sprayer insert).  

When we lived in San Francisco, we didn’t have a washing machine in our apartment and so dealing with dirty cloth diapers would have been much harder.  Also with cloth diapers, one needs a drying rack because you must to air dry the diapers (which has been relatively easy to just throw them on the drying rack.)  Finally, Wilson installed a water sprayer on one of our toilets.  We use the water sprayer to spray the poop into the toilet.  This step can get kind of tricky when you are caring for an infant who can’t be held in one arm easily because she can't yet hold her head up.  But we have found ways to secure the baby (e.g. place her in the bassinet).   Earlier today, I didn't put Elle in her bassinet (she doesn't particularly like that), instead I wore her in the Baby Bjorn and tried to spray off some poopy diapers.  That wasn’t my best effort as I ended up turning the sprayer on me and Elle (which didn’t help either of our moods).  But water sprayer misadventures aside, cloth diapers have been working out well so far.   Hopefully, they will continue to work well for the next couple of years. 

Next week, I hope to write a little more (and to have done a little more) in the exercise aspect of things.  We'll see how this week goes.

B.A.B.E. Week 6: Milk protein issues...but we are on our way home!

Because we live in the Bahamas, we came to the U.S. to have Elle.  One of the reasons that we chose Nashville (out of all the amazing places for medical care and living in the U.S.) was because my sister, Catherine, who is an incredible mother of four lives there.   Catherine has hosted me/us for the past three plus months and we are incredibly grateful.  And while we rented our own space for part of the time that we were in Nashville, it was so comforting to always have a home-base with Catherine's family.   

We spent our last four nights at our "home-base".   This turned out to be incredibly good for me because on the first of those four nights, Friday night, Wilson had not yet arrived and I was exhausted and nauseas.  Friday was frankly a terrible day and by the time I arrived at my sister's, I was spent.  Catherine took Elle in her arms and comforted and took care of her while I fell into a deep sleep.   After Elle fell into a deep sleep at about 12:30 am, Catherine tip-toed into my room to get Elle's bed.  Catherine had planned to sleep on the floor next to Elle and take care of her through the night so I could rest.  I awoke to Catherine's stealthy moves and felt much much better.   So I took Elle back into my room for the night.  That night, Elle ended up sleeping until 4:50 am!  Because Elle has had great weight gain, in this instance, I was happy to give her digestive system a break and my overall system one as well.  I owe Catherine in so many ways.

Catherine's youngest daughter holding Elle

Friday had been particularly hard for various reasons but first and foremost was because Elle had a terrible Thursday night.   She threw up a massive amount around 7:30 pm and then felt ill the rest of the night.   I called Catherine's husband, a pediatric pulmnologist, and he advised me to give her frequent sips of breast milk and see if she could tolerate it.   If not, then pedialyte.   She didn't have a fever so we decided to wait until the morning to call the pediatrician.   She did drink a little throughout the night but didn't have a wet diaper from 12:30 am to 8:30 am  -- very unusual for her.  When we did see the pediatrician on Friday morning, he said that 3 wet diapers in 24 hours is the magic number -- less than that and the baby is dehydrated.   Luckily, even though Elle's wet diaper output was much less than normal -- it was certainly more than 3 in 24 hours.

Seeing Elle sick was so much worse than my mastitis – I felt scared and powerless.  After some tests and diagnostics the pediatrician stated that he was reasonably confident that Elle has a dairy protein sensitivity.  Thus, she is sensitive to dairy products that I had been eating - and I have been eating my fair share of those since giving birth with cheese, milk, ice cream, and yogurt comprising significant components of my diet.  Sadly, these foods unknowingly aggravated her little system so much that she had blood in stool and the thrown up.  This milk sensitivity might have also been combined with a 24 hour stomach bug that went through all of our family.  But if it was, I am glad that we all got the stomach bug because then Elle’s milk sensitivity was diagnosed.

I think that some milk sensitivities may go undiagnosed in babies because as I wrote about in my last blog – fussiness in babies can be normal.   Also in our case, I didn’t think anything was wrong until Elle threw up.   She is generally pretty happy and I couldn’t actually see the blood in Elle’s stool – the doctor had to test it for blood.   That said, there were things that could have clued me in – the screams of pain in the middle of sleeping, the stringiness/mucousy-ness of her stool, her disposition to sometimes wheeze after a feeding, and a family history of milk-sensitivity.  Wilson is sensitive to milk products and other members of his family have the same sensitivity as well.

Elle still isn’t 100% because it takes about 5-7 days for all milk products to clear from my system but she is getting better.  That said, it is hard not to worry over the outbreaks of baby acne or how she now wants to suck on her pacifier most of the day.  I am not sure if the dependence on the pacifier is because she is still in pain or if she just really enjoys the sucking motion.   We try not to completely depend on the pacifier.  Like the internet “experts” say, we try other methods to comfort her first – rocking, fans, going outside etc.  But most things don’t work and she ends up becoming VERY frustrated.  I guess it is a “habit” that we will watch and see how she fares – especially after the milk proteins clear from my system and we finally reach home.

Home!  I am typing this blog post from the airport as we wait for our flight home.   Wow, it will be so nice to do mundane things from home -- in our own ecosystem.  I am looking forward to tummy and bath times that have a rhythm and to creating general patterns/routines in our collective life.    And of course, since we live in the Bahamas, I am looking forward to walking on the beach wearing baby Elle (in the morning or evening).  We’ll see if I can get out there when the day is cool enough but at least it is a nice concept for now.  

B.A.B.E. Week 5: Smiling, Fussing and Post-Partum Weigh In

The most exciting development this week is that Elle is starting to progress beyond  “gas-smiles” and half-smiles into some crinkly eyed excited smiles.   We aren’t quite to a full, cheek-dimple showing smile but she rewarded her grandparents with "real" smiles (we think) two days ago and I think that she is smiling on her Baba’s lap in the pic above.

Starting to smile is not the only new development -- the happy expressions have been mixed with increased fussiness.  Apparently, infant babies’ fussiness grows until it peaks around 6-8 weeks – a fussiness bell curve if you will.  And Elle seems to be going through this.  This fussiness is a strange phenomenon because you don’t know what she wants.   The 3 main culprits for our little one seem to be: hunger, overstimulation/fatigue, or gas pains.

Unfortunately the treatment for these culprits are different.   For example, if she is experiencing gas pain because I have overfed her on fore-milk then I should comfort her with a pacifier.  On the other hand, if she is hungry or over-stimulated, then I can comfort her by nursing – the exact opposite solutions.   This fussiness is confusing and disturbing.   Luckily, there are good resources out there to help (like this link) and I have also found 2 other strategies that seem to keep the sharp shooting cries of distress at bay:  (1) wearing Elle in a carrier for naps during the day; and (2) simethicone drops.

The Carrier 

I was inspired to use the carrier (a Boba wrap that my friend lent me) because Elle, I and the grandparents went to a Baby Wearing International (BWI) meeting this past week.  The BWI meeting showed us an array of different ways that you can "wear" your baby.  The meeting also made me realize that my qualms about the Boba wrap being hot and hard to put on were surmountable.  This is good because the Boba wrap has been very useful to calm Elle and get stuff done (like writing this blog).   I have also ordered a mesh sling ring carrier  because Elle seemed so content in the sling ring carrier at the BWI meeting that I couldn't resist.  Am also excited to see if it is finally a carrier that I can wear in the heat...apparently, because it is mesh you can wear it in the water as well.

The Drops

For drops, we are currently giving Elle three types of drops.  Two (pro-biotic drops and a Vitamin D supplement) may make her gas pains worse in the immediate term but were recommended by our pediatrician for her long-term health.  And the third, simethicone drops, is not harmful per our our pediatrician and has not been proven scientifically to be effective at relieving gas pain, but many mothers swear by it.    We may be swearing by it as well.  These simethicone drops have worked wonders in the past 2-3 days.   She seems much happier immediately following a feeding (when you give her the drops) until the pain seems to start again around feeding time a couple hours later.  You can use the drops up to 12 times per day – but I am wary of using them at every feeding, especially since her bowel movements have become more watery after we began using the drops.  We’ll see if they continue to work but for now, Elle seems to be in a lot less pain.

The Doctors

Elle and I both had doctors’ appointments this week.   Elle is growing very well and gaining weight.  I, on the other hand, have not lost as much weight as I would have thought at 5 weeks out.   I have probably only lost 20 or so pounds and was hoping that my 35 or so pound weight gain would have diminished more by now.   But after a chocolate milkshake and sweet potato fries at lunch today, I sort of know why the weight isn’t exactly melting off.   Couple that with the the fact that I may actually follow the doctor's advice to continue to keep my exercise very light this week and body/fitness still isn't much of priority.  I think that I need to continue to be gentle with myself as far as weight loss goes because  Elle and I haven’t yet made it home.  And without being home, we can’t really get in a regular pattern, yet.  Even if a regular pattern doesn't really work post baby, not being at home does feel disruptive.  For instance, our "transient" life has presented some issues as far as milk storage and my subsequent lack of enthusiasm to empty excess milk.   (This may have contributed to the recurrence of blocked ducts).   So while I am slightly disappointed by weight and lack of exercise, right now I am focused on enjoying our daughter (while also clearing the ducts and trying to avoid a third bout of mastitis.)

Heading home: alone

It was pretty hard.  No, actually it was excruciatingly hard.  Of course, i tried to put on a good face and make the best of it.  I was heading back to the Bahamas. 

For basically the entirety of my life, heading to the Bahamas would have been a day of rejoicing.  Hitting up the lovely beaches, the fun vibe and getting in some serious relaxing. Working in the Bahamas is a quite a bit more than that, but still in my mind the Bahamas brand is beach and fun.  And that has been our experience since i got here in Sept.  There has been a bunch more layers to the time, but still the sun, idyllic water and vibe has been dominant. 

But last Sunday, heading home to the Bahamas was quite a different beast.  I was leaving my lovely, wonderful wife and our secular angel of a daughter, Elle.  Each day together over the last month or so has been amazing. Watching Elle grow literally before our eyes, taking in her delight and enjoying our time together.  Plus we have had my folks most of the time and Mu's sister and her amazing family.  So it has been a time of love and family and together.  Not always perfect, but that is family in reality too. 

So there I was checking in for my flight to Miami and Nassau.  Alone for the longest stretch of time since Elle was born.  I found myself conjuring up her face in my mind with such clarity.  It is funny how much I am able to imbue emotions and thoughts from her adorable face.  Of course, her joy and smile are sometimes bountiful and obvious. But those more mysterious times lead me both guessing and projecting.  I love it and her.  

And now it will be another 6 days until i see her lovely face, hold her precious body in my arms and kiss Mu.  The 13 days in total are really not that long.  I often think of the challenges faced for families with one partner elsewhere more permanently, such as when one partner is serving overseas in the military.  I will see Elle and Mu soon, but that is not the same for those in the armed services. 

Really Mu and I have had a lot more practice on being apart for the last 8 months.  Sometimes it feels almost like a new normal of skype and email.  Mu wrote about this a bit in the last post.  These separations were not part of the plan, but rather flow from trying to make the best decisions along the way.  Is it how we would like to live?  No, frankly.  And these13 days are ones that I would prefer to go differently.  But that said I also feel so fortunate in this diplomatic life, so fortunate to have spent 4 weeks in TN with Mu and Elle and so fortunate for the life ahead.  Really fortunate for the life ahead in a week with my girls back home. 

B.A.B.E. Week 4 – when does normal start?

I thought that by now, things would feel more “normal” – whatever that means.  But I still feel like I haven’t quite caught up or established a pattern that feels repeatable and normal. Maybe that is because we aren’t at home yet, or maybe because of the mastitis and some other health issues, or maybe my expectations were unrealistic. Regardless of the reason, my respect for mothers (especially those with older children or multiples or those who have to go back to work within the first month) continues to grow.  

Updates for this week:

 BABY –

Elle is really absorbed by looking out windows and outside but she doesn’t particularly enjoy walks outside in the baby carrier. (We’re working on the walks). Elle also loves looking at ceiling fans – I swear that she sometimes gives them a contented half-smile. Really a favorite thing! Elle’s single minded focus of staring outside or at ceiling fans can sometimes be disconcerting as an adult; I am not used to how newborn infants can wide-eyed stare for long periods of time. But apparently, this is normal.

The other development of this week has been how we have taken a shine to the pacifier. At first, we were hesitant about using a pacifier because of “nipple” confusion. We also didn’t want her to take the pacifier when she was actually hungry. Those qualms dissipated after we realized that she often did want to continue to suckle even after the milk was long gone. And even more compelling was how an upsetting buckling in to a carseat became bearable.

Finally, the most exciting thing that I forgot to blog about at Week 3 is how it is now clear that she knows people’s voices. Or at least we have seen her recognize me and Wilson. She will move her head towards our voices and, if I am not careful, my voice can derail an afternoon nap with her dad.

ASPIRATION-

With a little babysitting help from Wilson’s parents (Neny and Baba), I was able to finish a work project that was hanging over my head. So happy to have that done and with only one more thing to do, I am ready to really fully embrace maternity leave. But there always seems like some more things to think about, and since that has been our temperament on these whirlwind last 2.5 years it feels natural. A bit depressing, but slightly depressingly natural.

BODY-

Ugh to body this week – still sporting a pooch. But on the bright side, my health is good.  No more mastitis (although am still on antibiotics) and eating lots of fresh fruits and vegetables.   Fresh fruits (especially berries) can be in short supply in the Bahamas.

EXPLORATION-

This week has been a very sad travel week. And Sunday was the hardest part of this diplomat lifestyle because Elle and I had to say goodbye to Wilson on Sunday.  Saying goodbye and this separation feels so much more acute than any of our other frequent goodbyes in the past 9 months.   In the past 9 months, Wilson and I have been often separated but it hit me much harder this time.   It feels so different to have  Elle-- this piece of our heart outside of us and not be together.   So it was a little teary on Sunday when Wilson went to the Bahamas without Elle and I.  We can’t g yet because we have to get a diplomatic passport for Elle and we both need to be medically cleared before the State department allows us to fly back. Thus, the three of will probably be separated for 10 days to 2 weeks before finally settling home.