Parenting prep: backpacking in the wilderness?

Wow, what a ride it has been these last 2 weeks plus.  Our team has been doing very well; Elle is a champ thus far - so patient and calm and fun.  Mu is our captain, she runs the show very capably and has been keeping it all working and flowing in a productive and enjoyable fashion. 

Me?  Well I think of myself as a glue dad.  In basketball the glue guy kind of does a bit of everything – gets some boards, dishes a few assists, sets some beefy and creative picks and plays heady defense.  Nothing flashy but just doing whatever is needed, and a lot of little things that in aggregate are far from little, to keep the team functioning at a high level.  Well, in a happy coincidence that is a role I LOVE playing on sports teams and it fits perfectly within our new, enhanced family.

This has got me thinking about the prep work that goes in to having a kiddo in our modern society.  As Mu wrote about earlier this week, there are about a million books and other media forms available to gorge on with regard to parenting.  These are especially ‘appealing’ when you are a) a parent of the first time and b) prone to seeking out research for any challenge/opportunity.  Mu and I both come from professional and academic environments that highly value prior knowledge.  But that process and shared knowledge seems to break down a bit in the parenting world due to lack of consensus for what is best practice.  I feel like you end up back where you started, with your partner and your baby alone late at night.  It is up to you to make that a positive experience and not scary and/or frustrating.

So I have a different ‘test’ for preparing for the first couple weeks of parenthood.  Go backpacking.  Seriously, going on a 7 day backpacking trip with your future partner in parenting will tell you almost all that is needed to know about diverse problem solving styles, the ability to share diffuse responsibilities, family comparative advantages and being adaptable.   Just like with parenting there are many, many books offering various approaches to getting into the wild.  There are so much shiny and fancy gear you can take with you, too.  And each person/couple that goes backpacking will do it their way, same as parenting.

In the last 3 years or so, Mu and I have hiked 160 miles on the John Muir Trail and done the classic W trek in Torres del Paine in Patagonia, among other backpacking trips.  In our life together we have backpacked in many speculator settings around the world, Tasmania, Shasta, BC, the Cordillera Blanca come to my mind immediately. Pretty much all of these were amazing trips that had also had some real challenges that I keep coming back to while taking care of lovely Elle.

My first thought about this similarity came when we were packing for a walk to a restaurant a few days after Elle was born.  Not exactly hiking 160 miles of wilderness.  We had settled in to our Airbnb and wanted to get out for a bit.  So we strapped Elle into the stroller and headed out - with an entire messenger bag ready for contingencies.  This is the same way I think about backpacking, always having a stash of gear that might, or might not, be used.  For me, it is all about projecting what will and won’t be useful and preparing as best you can.  This appears to be just as useful for a serious trek in a foreign country as it is for a walk with an infant up to the local restaurant for happy hour.

On the JMT we had to keep a blistering pace with weddings bookending the trek.  We also spent the entire 11 days above 8,000 feet of elevation and went over 6 peaks/passes in excess of 12k.  This was a tough trip and one that proved to be a highlight of my life thus far. The image I keep coming back to these last 2 weeks is on a tough day, our toughest day from Deer Meadow to Sawmill Junction.  We went over 2 passes, Pinchot and Mather and had serious weather.  At times I wanted to call it quits, to slow down, it was too much and too ambitious.  And yet there was Mu charging up the 2^nd pass in style.  She carried us.  Other times on the trail, I carried us.  That is the approach we have adopted thus far with Elle.  Sometimes it is my turn to step up for comforting, or a diaper or something to keep us moving along in life be it making a meal or heading to the store.  Other times, most times really, Mu does the honors.  Note that ratio is at leader in this baby adventure is 85/15 in Mu’s favor, at least/

I also find myself thinking often of hiking in Patagonia, in part because that is the type of experience and true nature that I want to show Elle.  It is where I have felt so alive and I hope those kinds of adventures will be appealing to her and trigger similar emotions.  But that is a long time coming.  Right now I keep coming back to this time on our trek when it was dark out and we were pulling into camp after a VERY long day.  Shocker, I know.  Mu and I had pushed it and it was now dark.  All that stood between us and camp, dinner and sleep was a raging mountain stream.  How deep?  How cold?  How safe?  We were not sure, and there was no light coming to help us get a better sense of the answers.  So we had to work together and get across.  With my long stride I was able to bound across a roaring gap that was just not tenable to Muriel.  She got across with my help, but it was scary and wet.  I think about this imbalance of physical ability when Mu and Elle are nursing.  They have this special relationship that I can never understand.  Mu has the long legs this time; she can bound that gap with ease.  Instead, I am here to help out and must bond in other ways.